It was Christmas Eve
when I look up in the window and found this unwanted feeling. I wanted to talk
to someone but I can't find who's the perfect one or should I say, everyone is
busy to find time talking to me. Every night, I found myself hugging my bear
and wishing that someone would come in rescue. It's odd but I can't even have
the courage to go to my friends and you know, catch up. Maybe, it's part of
growing up; Time to be mature enough, to face the reality and to make decisions
for myself. Just think of the feeling that your parents are overprotective to
you. You wanted to enjoy life, go out with your friends, find adventure and
look for yourself but there's someone who keeps you from doing them.
To my friends, I was like an open book. I must
say, they knew me but should I depend on what they think of me? Or the
transparent image I portray when I'm with them? Or should I say, nobody even my
family knew the real me and what's inside me? I'm not saying that I'm the
mysterious type because deep inside me there's someone hidden. I'm just maybe,
imaginative of my future like everybody else.
Every year that passes by, I'm always wishing to
be on top, be the best and be an achiever. If you ask me if being lucky is
true, I will answer you with a "no". We are the pioneer of the things
that happen to us. When you buy a lottery ticket and you won millions of dollars,
it's not luck, because it is you who choose your numbers. It is the machine who
rolls the dice and gotcha, your numbers have been dropped! It shows what is
written in your destiny. From your birth until the day of your death,
everything that happens has been written and that is your test, to change for
better or be worse.
For me, this coming year will bring me another
set of challenges. It can bring me failures and winnings, but what matters most
is always the lesson to be learned. What I learned this year is humility and
courage. For all the achievements I have this year, there's no reason for me to
boast because I'm not the only one who's winning, it is all of us. Talking
about courage, maybe I should stop thinking too much and face my friends no
matter how embarrassing my thoughts could be. It is just the start of another
self searching!
